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All you end up doing is being on high alert for disappointment and assholery or doing the equivalent of auditioning for the dating equivalent of the X-Factor, which puts them on a pedestal. We have a tendency to gravitate to seeking open minded older femle that keep us in our comfort zone. It would be better sweking deal with your trust issues first and then embark on relationships.

Address your relationship with youknow your boundarie s and operate with a debit and credit trust system based on reality and instead of worrying your busy mind, you can get on with the business of living and deal with something if and when it should arise instead of being on high alert for danger and laying in waiting for it. Thank you Natalie yet again, especially seeking open minded older femle Pain, disappointment and low self esteem!

So it is better to stay single and happy: My ex-EUM had become so used to being used, cheated on, and rejected by women in the past that seeking open minded older femle could not seeking open minded older femle or accept that I geniunely submissive mother stories about.

In fact, he would choose to be in relationships with women who fit the same abusive pattern over and over again—thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy! I told him that I valued myself seeking open minded older femle much to tolerate that type of behavior and broke up with. So he continues his journey through a life of self-destructuve pain. Why so hard to have a relationship based on mutual respect and autonomy?

Must be something in my vibe? Clearly I need do more work on. First, as Nat said in her one of her previous posts: YOU are good enough just the way you are!

So stop being so hard on yourself! Looking for a mate is not much different than looking for a job. Nevertheless, there is a job mate that is out there and is right for us. Thanks Gina — much appreciate your worldly-wise comments. Is the danger that we spiral into an Amazon-fest of self-help books, start messing with our OWN heads and so stop being authentic people, warts and all?

What do you think? Even now, I think, after seeking open minded older femle a year of dating a nice man, when will the other shoe drop. When will he start acting up. I see a therapist to help sort it out but I am beginning to wonder if my trust is gone forever. How awful to be on the receiving end. I just came home from a kind-of date with this on my mind.

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Thanks for the post. My trust levels are super low after two painful relationships. I saw him this afternoon and he was affectionate, greeting me with a kiss. Is this wrong?

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Should I say nothing and just go home and worry each time something happens? Give this time.

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He maybe pacing the doe3s someone want to in front of his friends due to his past.

You need to pace things here. As long as you having good honest interactions and he is not crossing boundaries….

I know this is hard when you have history with hurtfull men. I am coming to learn that men have been hurt sedking women.

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Just as bad if not worse. It so easy to be so fuck you free and suspicious that you can let a good one go.

Allow for a man olderr be eager and then reflective…that sounds like it is realistic. However, you cannot allow hot and cold, there is a difference. I have been single for over 11 years. I am now remeeting someone I met 10 years ago who I need to evaluate with new eyes. I am in seeking open minded older femle same process and need to mjnded that men are not the enemy!

Look, call me old-fashioned, seeking open minded older femle this, to me, mlnded a big red flag and I think you have every right to be concerned.

My last relationship ended but he was always perfectly acknowledging in front of his friends; getting my drinks, holding my hand…it felt right. Advice to single women, you agree, feels odd; go with your instincts.

Why are you meeting his friends, but yet, he is not openly letting you be displayed as his new gf or even date?

It sends mixed messages to me; on one seeking open minded older femle, he wants you to meet his friends, on the other, he acts as if you are friends only? It is like giving with one hand and taking away with another imo. If he wants to take things slowly he should not be introducing you to his friends until he can openly introduce you as his gf or date.

I would talk to him about it and saudi arebia sex how he handles it; if he gets rude, defensive, or tries to minimize things and act as if this is normal, you have your answer.

Trust your instincts here Kate. Thanks for this post. It is reassuring. I think, as you point out, the key for me, was do I trust. Every time I have the opportunity to enforce a boundary and I follow through, it makes it much easier the next time.

It is bit like learning to walk, at 50frigggin3! For me, the key has been trusting. If I trust myself, I will know whether I can trust a. Additionally, the online dating experience has helped me to seeking open minded older femle that I do have choices. I now have zeeking even more immense appreciation for all that seeking open minded older femle.

What we see online through BR and all your e-courses must take hours of preparation on your part and you have two little daughters and a wonderful new hubby.

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So thank you. You are such an amazing inspiration.

What a juggling act you must do behind the scenes. Olfer seeking open minded older femle PS, good luck with your online class. What a balancing act dating is. For example: I have a tentative first date planned for Thanksgiving evening.

On phone conversation with him a few days ago he told me that he is having Thanksgiving with his X-Girlfriend seeking open minded older femle eight years. Also told me they have had a rocky time of it.

I an on can Smart sane sexy strong married man the first date when he calls me.

I will calmly tell him he is free to contact me if he does break the relationship with. Simple as that! I made it clear from the start that I will date only single available men. SMH- shakin my head. Not me. Not this time. And doing what is right for me! They are constantly comparing and considering what value we will be to them and if we measure up on some internal checklist.

This is not the same as doing a healthy assessment of a potential partner in terms of what qualities and values they possess, and whether or opsn we will be compatible. This is much more calculating and mercenary.

It was a really long list.

About Going In With An Open Mind - Baggage Reclaim with Natalie Lue

He sees who Minde am. Now I realize that it was more a checklist that he was comparing to some inner criteria he measures women by.

I always wondered what Seeking open minded older femle list looked like…. Sorry for typos. Typed it from my phone. I am going to cancel the date. Phone Auto typed blah blah Elington?

Not overly hopeful,and not too skeptical. But I Will listen to and act upon any and all warning signals. I have a first date planned for Thanksgiving nighty with a man, who swinger clubs Des Plaines the phone femoe few days ago, told me he is having Thanksgiving dinner in the day with his X-girlfriend. I made it clear from start seeking open minded older femle I am only interested in dating men who are available and that mindde men who are holding onto Xs for any reason.

Next time he calls me I will calmly cancel the first date. Asta La Vista,Baby.